Leena Speaks: Building The Foundation Within

Leena Speaks: Building The Foundation Within: My boutique is putting together another event. We believe support is very important and this event would be a great lever to bring men of di...

Building The Foundation Within

My boutique is putting together another event. We believe support is very important and this event would be a great lever to bring men of different backgrounds together to help them build their dreams regardless of their backgrounds. It is a great idea to bring men together, to expose their brand but also hear the struggles of men who came from:

• Discrimination 
• Poverty
• Single Family Homes 
• Domestic Violence
and 
• Jail 

Men who come from different backgrounds but who were able to beat the odds and now are successful entrepreneurs who want to share their story to help up build men who want to be successful but don’t have the motivation, drive or positive association.

 In a article in the NY Times it was written: "Blacks spend less money in black-owned businesses than other racial and ethnic groups spend in businesses owned by members of their groups, including Hispanics and Asians. A report by Nielsen and Essence estimates that black buying power will reach $1.3 trillion in the next few years, yet only a tiny fraction of that money is spent at black-owned businesses. Unless black people devote more attention to building wealth within the black community, Ms. Maggie Anderson author of “Our Black Year,”and others contend, they will always be behind."

According to the 2007 and 2012 census report the number of minority men owned businesses in NJ is at a low compared to those of other backgrounds.

 We want to the community to realize that there needs to be support within, rather than complain to why certain groups aren't as successful as others.
 We have put this event together to help inspire and motivate men and women. We also want the number of minority based businesses to rise as well as the number of supporters to rise as well. We have to build the foundation within our own communities in order to be successful. Community involvement and support is a key element to longevity.

Below is the link to the event.

We are also looking for sponsors and men lifestyle vendors who would be interested in working with us. https://www.eventbrite.com/e/strong-foundation-within-mens-networking-event-tickets-24747415185

HIGH HEEL EXPECTATIONS: WOMEN'S NETWORKING EVENT

 On Saturday April 9th, 2016 I presented everyone with my first event

HIGH HEEL EXPECTATIONS: WOMEN'S NETWORKING EVENT.

As a single mother of two, I was tired of seeing women just being mean, shady, not supportative, negative or plan old hating on one another. After, a bad experience with an old HS friend I wanted to do something to bring women together. I wanted to help bring positivity between women and have them learn how to be a support system, A REAL support system for all women to know that there are others that understand them and made things happen despite struggle, setbacks, negativity, race and lack of support.

I had female geared vendors, I had light appetizers provided by Chef Bryant Hargrove and dessert provided by Maggie's Sweet Indulgences along with a panel and audience discussion.

The main part of the event was the panel which consisted of three beautiful women:

A native of the Dominican Republic Jeannette Miguelina, who had the example of her mother who came to the US in the early 80's and only worked a job for a short time before becoming an entrepreneur in New Jersey and didn't let language, race, being a mom and wife be an excuse as to why she couldn't be her own boss. The example of her mother made her the women she is today: a Paralegal, owner of Deli Delish Grocery, owner of Truck Permits Express (specializing in trucking permits) and part owner of Pink Diamond Entertainment. For a female in her early 30's she is a perfect example of what anyone can accomplish with obstacles as long as they are dedicated and serious.

Jeannette Miguelina (right) along side her Pink Diamond Entertainment business partner Tiffany Rolston (left)

Lynn Hobson a Washington DC native and is a Hip Hop Publicist, Life Coach and Author of "Diary of HIP-HOP Publicist." I first met Lynn Hobson when her then client Kaylin Garcia a former cast member of Love and Hip Hop: New York was doing a workout and game session in Englewood, NJ. My daughter was participating and despite being someone who is famous, her personality reflected humbleness. I knew I wanted Lynn to be part of my event, just from the short interaction I had with her. Sometimes you meet people and their personalty is an essence of beauty, and that is what I saw in Lynn. I was so delighted when she agreed to work with me. Lynn had a past involving domestic violence hasn't let that stop her. She was so encouraging, despite her fame she is supportive of other women. She made it very clear to those in the audience that building a relationship with God was very important and talking to him is what moves her everyday. As of today Lynn's roster of clients consist of  the Hip Hop duo and Love and Hip Hop: New York cast members BBOB as well as Ceaser and Dutchess of Black Ink Crew.

Hip Hop Publicist Lynn Hobson along side her book Diary Of A Hip Hop Publicist which is now available.


I was looking for another inspirational women, that was not only doing something positive but could be that kick in the butt to make you get up and do something. So while speaking to a women in a Facebook group i'm in she suggested Pastor Dolevera Derilus. While speaking to Dolevera she informed me she was a Get It Girl Life Coach. Get It Girl by itself sold me, because every female need someone that says "get it girl." Speaking at the event Dolevera mentioned she had negativity thrown at her but overcame the negative by proving that she could do whatever it was she wanted. No matter what life throws at you, you have to ask yourself "how bad do you want it?" If you really want something you have to keep going no matter what until you reach your goal, but don't stop there, keep going. Dolevera also made an important point on who you surround yourself with. You can't get to where you want to go if you have negative weight holding you down, that is a very important because that one negative person you have around can suck your hopes, dream and happiness right out of you. You need people around that let you know you can do it and that will support you while you are making it happen.

Pastor Dolevera Derilus (right) speaking at High Heel Expectations Networking Event along side event host Ms. Evanna K (left)



EVENT HIGHLIGHTS

YOU WANT CLEAN CARPET OR DIRTY CARPET

People say they want love. People say they want loyalty. People say they want someone who will care about them. People say they want honesty. People say a good person is hard to find. However, when someone comes in people lives that are offering those things they don't appreciate it.
It reminds me carpet: You have nasty old carpet and a nice and clean carpet, a person will wipe their feet before stepping on the dirty carpet and say I gotta keep my carpet clean, but take their dirty shoe and just walk all over the clean carpet and then say I wish I had clean carpet. 

After reaching a certain age you would think people would have enough sense to wipe their feet before they step on clean carpet so they don't have to complain and wish they had a clean carpet. However, that's not the case. People will ask and receive all the things they want in a person just to treat them like dirt then wish they had a person with those qualities. Like, you did and you trashed that person.

Yeah, I want love, I want loyalty, I want someone who cares and who is honesty. A good person is hard to find. Especially today, people are so self centered, so dishonest, so fake and so distrusting it hard to figure out anyone. People may say: "it's you,"it could be or could not be. Everyone in this world is damaged goods. Yes, you are. However, it is up to you to let that define you as a person or not. You can't let every piece of rejection, heartache, dishonesty or hurt effect every relationship you have with someone. No two people are the same. Sometimes you have to give someone A chance. Yes, they may get you dirty, but realize it and won't do it again. Communication is very important between people but yet we as people forget that. If people would communicate the truth, more people would respect them. In today's world people are so caught up with being so damn selfish and hurt they forget how refreshing it is to be truthful and loving to someone else.

Just some food for thought, next time a person shows you some love, loyalty and honesty RESPECT IT and at least give them honesty in return!!!

Wipe your feet before you step on the clean carpet before complaining you wish you had a clean carpet!!! It's hard to remove stains.

Kelis Welcomes Birth of Second Son

Kelis and Mike Mora enjoying stroll in 2014

The R&B artist that "brought all the boys to the yard" has brought her second son into the world.

R&B artist, chef and author Kelis has given birth to her second son.

E! News reported the 36-year-old welcomed a healthy baby boy in November, and his name is Shepard.

"E! News hasn't revealed the father, but after one minutes of investigating her Instagram  I found her Colombian baby daddy- real estate agent Mike Mora, whom is one of two people she follows. 

The two reportedly got married around Thanksgiving 2014 in a secret ceremony. 

Kelis is the ex-wife of rap artist Nasir "Nas" Jones, the two share a 6 -year-old son Knight Jones. Kelis is known for her hit songs "Milkshake," "Bossy," and  "Caught Out There."

LOVE AND HIP HOP DRAMA: Dear Ms. Wallace

As I was googling these random new cast members (half I have never heard of) I came across the on-going love triangle with Peter Gunz - Tara Wallace and Amina "Buddafly" Pankey.

Now being a female who has had a similar love triangle, I can understand this going on for maybe a year or even two. However, this will be the 3rd season with this nonsense. 

Anyway, it has come to light that Tara Wallace is allegedly pregnant by Peter Gunz and Looks like she is trying to keep the secret on mute while hiding her tummy with a jacket from the Mute shop - such a coincidence lol.

Of course while getting backlash from the public she posted:

So, i decided to write Tara a letter.

Dear, Ms. Tara Wallace,

Let me interject my lovely thoughts on this triangle.

 1) I will and can give my opinion since I watch the show, which gives it ratings which get you paid. If there weren't people watching hunny your bills wouldn't get paid!!!

2) I never knew a female who was so pretty, seemed as if she had some sense but yet keeps making a fool out of herself for a check. I mean where is the SELF RESPECT? Your man of 12 years cheated on you. got married for love or legal issues--- whatever, had a baby on you, still flaunting around with his "legal wife," while you- instead of ending the relationship you continually open your legs to it. Now,there are plenty of insecure women like yourself that go through this daily, but I don't know any that would repeatedly go on TV or wanna be in the spotlight so the world could see how dumb they are.

3) When will you - Ms. Tara Wallace love yourself enough to let go of that trash? I'm not blogging to trash you, but wondering when will you see the light? I love setting people up. Let me help you after you have this alleged baby you are carrying. Let me take you to the other side of life, called HAPPINESS, you deserve it. Hit me up, I got you.

Mona Scott Young is the one capitalizing off your life drama, not making you as a black women, black mother look classy but rather more like ratchet. I did watch for the entertainment but I have a daughter and this is the type of entertainment I don't want her thinking is "COOL." This isn't what real life is. Making one rich because they played a fool for the world. That's why they have comedians. 

That is all.

Best regards,

Leena Speaks 

CHEATING, CHEATERS AND THE NON CHEATERS

What comes to mind when someone tells you they want to be in a relationship with you?

You are most likely on cloud 9, thinking maybe you found your prince or princess you can build a home with.Someone that is going to be committed to you.
Adorn you with love emotionally, physically and mentally.
Be faithful to you.
Trust you.
Eventually,you want to have a family and have that person marry you til death do you part. (Marriage is no longer a priority in society so I guess playing house is an equivalent).

Regardless of what it is, at the end of the day the majority of us seek happiness and that happiness consist of being with someone you love and you guys being in love with each other.

However, cheating has a major part in relationships today. You don't know who to trust.

Today it is hard for a woman and men to gain happiness, when many of them have issues with trust due to past deceptions. I took some time out to look into what men, women, the bible and what so called experts say. Take a few minutes and see what is on their minds regarding cheating.


WHAT THE MEN HAVE TO SAY:

I have cheated. There is a high rate of cheating in black and Hispanic communities.   Black and Hispanic women walk around with numerous baby daddy's then go on welfare, then the children repeat the cycle. You go to their neighborhoods and you see woman fighting another female because her 3rd baby daddy had his 5th kid with another chick whom he his the 6th baby daddy to. If you go on

social media you see these females belittle each other. However, at the end of they day these women are trash, they look stupid so of course these are the dummies that get cheated on. Who takes chicks like that serious, all they are worth is seeing a good fight between for good entertainment. While they are fighting the man is taking the side of one of them but the other will screw him later on that day or the next, or he has another chick he is screwing all together while the other two fools are fighting in the street. Then they say, all men cheat. Well, no they don't. We cheat on the weak, insecure, needy females. The ones who act as if they are so hard, but emotionally they are weak. I have cheated but not on all my females. Why? Some I liked but they were just not wife able material, but they brought me things, fed me, housed me, gave good sexual pleasure and"loved me," but those chicks ain't even love themselves. They seemed as if they loved me more than their kids, there fatherless kids mind you. There are plenty in the white community as well but it's like a fashion statement in urban communities.  This is the world we leave in... it is open season on black and Hispanic vagina everyday. Let me clarify though not all black and Hispanic women because I have had blissful relationships with many I didn't cheat on but those were the classy females that had either one child or none, who had their own money, who were secure with themselves, beautiful confident female, who did not indulge in drama.
 -Anonymous 34

  

 

I've never cheated. I feel like if you decide to get into a relationship with someone you're making a commitment to be exclusive with them. All men don't cheat. My father until the day he died NEVER once cheated on my mother. He was with her until death did them part, even after she passed away he didn't want anyone else. She was his heart. I guess that is where I get it from. Besides, who wants to lie? That's added stress. You have to keep track of what you did with whom and what you said to each one, I’m not for that. I dedicate myself to the one I’m with. Call me a punk, but I believe in loyalty on both ends. Last reason I don't cheat and the most important is because I don't want it done to me.

 -35 year old, male. 

  Yes, I have cheated before, to be honest I think all people cheat, because you can't stay attracted to just one person your whole life, it's unnatural, to be with one person forever, and the person you

once loved isn't the same as they once were. Also the thrill of sexing something new out drives the urge to go home to the old. To be honest I am not sure if I cheated on all my women, but most of them yes. The answer to whether or not it is right or wrong lies in the eyes of the person doing it. Wrong morally: Yes. But as a person who sees the world for what it is, who can morally judge anyone? I feel

the comment all men cheat is true, as do all women on some level we all cheat, whether it's flirting, or entertaining someones advance towards you. Whether you act on it or not. The thought itself can be considered cheating.

 -40 year old, male 

  Yes I've cheated before and the reason was because she didn't love me and she cheated 1st, so instead of just breaking up, I wanted revenge. It is never right to cheat. I have not cheated on every girl I've been with. The statement that every man cheats is very wrong, for one it generalizes a whole category of men and two there is no evidence to back that up. I've seen and know very faithful men.

 -38 year old Male

It was important to ask men the key statement: "Do all men cheat, and if they say they don't they are lying?" I just wanted their point of view, since most men and women believe it to be true. However, one of the gentlemen I interviewed raised the question "Does every black woman wear weaves?"

We all know a vast majority do but definitely not all. Same with cheating, a majority of the men may cheat or have cheated, doesn't mean all men do.

I cheated yes, at a point where I felt unappreciated. No, I don't cheat on every woman. I feel it’s wrong, and it bothered me after I did it in past. In the past, I didn't care about whether she loved me; I was ready for it to end. I believe in loyalty. 

-Male in his early 40's  

 I have cheated in the past and I add that up to be inexperienced in relationships. Knowing what I want now, cheating would be less likely. I am older and I want kids and a marriage.
-39 year old male  

What a serial cheater had to say:

Yes, I have  cheated. I love girls too much to be bored with one. I cheated in a relationship because at the time I wanted a girl I could constantly have sex with. Yes, I've cheated on every girl I've been with. I do think its wrong but sometimes a sexual craving can be a painful.
Me: If you wanted a girl to constantly have sex with why waste your time to be in a relationship at all? 
The girls always push for it. 
-33 year old, male

Another serial cheater added some more depth and brought culture into it: 

Men cheat because of:
1) Desire they have for female. 
2) It's not frowned upon by his culture/family and
3) Ego.
I have cheated. I cheated for all three reasons at one point or another in my life but the main reason I have to say had to be for desire. The fact that a woman that I really felt attracted to give me attention and I had a possibility to have sexual intercourse with her was an amazing thought. It's the same type of attraction towards a celebrity. You have to understand that a cheater always feels like he's never going to get caught. He's never truly trying to hurt his significant other. I have to say I have cheated on every female I have been with. Do I think is right NO. At the moment of a man committing an act of cheating he is only thinking about him and how this is making him happy but at you get older some not all realize that it's a wrong way of thinking. I have actually learned that but it took time. Man and woman learn different and for a man is about burning levels.

Me: So a man is willing to lose the person they love and there home for desire?

Believe it or not yes, I mean they don't think they going to get caught I had a friend who use to tell me I'm only as faithful as my options. I would never forget that statement. The moment a man thinks about his wife the odds of him doing it is small. The Spanish community is big on cheating...it kind of looks okay until it's done to you if you know what I mean. 

-A Dominican male in his early 30’s 

However, this is what another Dominican male in his mid 30's had to say:

Yes, I have cheated due to:

1). Uncertainty, not fully sure if the person I was with is the right one for me. 

2).Temptation and not being strong enough to just reject other females.

3). You don't think about the consequences. 

When cheating you think about just never getting caught.

No, I do not think cheating is right and I don't agree with that statement, "all men cheat."

There are men who have never cheated but most women are attracted to guys who are outspoken and the life of the party which are usually the ones that cheat. Not all men lie I think it depends on their upbringing and if they had positive male role models.I don't agree with it being a cultural thing. I could tell you that men in general are all different no matter what the race is.I know all types of men in different races and I can break it down to different categories. I was the type of man that didn't know how to be a man , being that I didn't have a make role model I had to find out what is right or wrong. Usually these lessons don't come without experiences. I'm order for me to fully understand the consequences of cheating was to be on the other side of it. That's the only way I fully understood how my actions hurt others. Now I can tell you that most men who cheat don't think about the effect that it causes. Now there are many reasons why anyone cheats.. For me these are the reasons:

1 missing something in themselves, so they seek that in others who would provide it. 

2. Sexually not satisfied and does not know how to address their partner 

3 does not take their partner serious and looks for another partner while still in a relationship. 

There are great faithful men out there... Out of ten men I know I could honestly say 3 are cheaters. The common factor of these cheaters are low self esteem, superficial search ( looking for what is attractive from everyone) they need validation from females need to feel loved and needed so they go wherever that is given. There are men who believe that it is natural to cheat but it's one-sided they don't want to be cheated on tho, which then makes it a control and selfish thing. There are men who don't feel attracted to their partner but for any reason stay in that situation because " it's the right thing to do " and stay away to find what they are attracted to. But I can say that men and women cheat for similar reasons. Now men lust just as much as females the only difference is that if the opportunity may happen when would think about their relationship and most men if they don't know how it feels to be cheated on would not think about their relationship. They would think about not getting caught. 
-36 Year old Dominican male

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY: 

We are in a world where morals are almost extinct, but there are some that actually take God and his word serious and these are the scriptures that they keep in mind. Many, today like to sugar coat, make excuses, but there are really two ways: The ways of the world or ways of the word, says a young christian female. 

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
"For this is the will of GOD that you should be holy and abstain from sexual immorality. Each one of you should know how to control his own body in holiness and honor not with greedy, uncontrollable sexual passion like the nations have that do not know God." - New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures 

"For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication:That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour;Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God." -KJV

1 Corinthians 7:9 

"But if they do not have self-control, let them marry, for it is better to marry than to be inflamed with passion."

-New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures

So the bible says we should know how to control our own body, that something naturally we can do but that is only if YOU WANT and CHOOSE TO. 

WHAT THE EXPERTS SAY: 

Psychiatrist Gail Saltz, MD quoted from Cosmopolitan Magazine says:

"Some men cheat to avoid real intimacy, so they can distance themselves from their wife or girlfriend by cheating on her, this way they can't get hurt. Some are unfaithful because they want control and power in the relationship and cheating puts the ball in their court. 

 Sex Expert Emily Morse said: "When there is a lack of intimacy in relationships, men feel the need to cheat rather than talk to their partner. Some men crave newness again and go elsewhere to find." 
she added: " Some men are just plain weak. They give into a sexual affair because the opportunity presented itself and they weren't strong enough to say NO! 

And according to Dr Saltz: No all cheaters are repeat offenders, but can be.

For example: I know a couple that has been married 45 years they have 6 children together but he has 4 children with 4 different women outside of the marriage with the youngest being 4. Now, the wife says "Yes, I know he cheats and has had other kids, but I love him and I put to much into this relationship to let him go." With that being said, she is unknowingly letting him repeat and obviously he knows she isn't leaving, she has put to much into the relationship . Her husband gets can have his cake and eat it too. 
She is not alone, there are plenty of women who think like this. However, I know females who had done the same thing got pregnant by another man and the man stayed with her, but I don't know any man who would allow it to be done 4 times and stay. 

THE ANSWER TO CHEATING FROM A COMEDIANS POINT OF VIEW:

Comedian, Patrice O'neal broke down "his take" on cheating:

  
Can't say I agreed fully with Patrice, but many women, yes YOU have been that fish and the most truthful thing I can agree with, is when he said:  "Woman want to make a man give them love with the same passion that she gives pussy."

Speaking from my experience I have been that women and I'm not alone.

WHAT THE WOMEN SAY:

With so many women being hurt by a man cheating on them they feel as if all men cheat. It's more of a trust issue , that's why women feel like all men cheat.

-34 year old GA

I can't say that they ALL do but far too many of them do.

-34 year old

Not all men... there are some men who see no reason once they find the woman who completes them. -Shanna Banks 35, NJ

Most yes, but not all. Have they cheated in their lifetime yes but some give it up. Guess once they meet someone that changes their whole perspective. If they say they don't I'll be a little iffy. I can only know and make sure my man isn't.

- Sandra, 29

I don't think all men cheat and if they say they don't,it just depends on how well I can judge their character by determining if their lying or not.

- Candace, NC

All men cheat and all lie. Point Blank Period. They ain't sh*t.

-27 female

I think the new generation cheat 9/10 times. With the older generation some cheat and some don't and won't. Today, Girls are nasty and don't give a fuck, so really is it cheating when the girl allows him to do what he is doing?

-Blue, 40

I believe at one point they all will. We are very much stronger than they are. I respect the men in the truth because they APPEAR to be strong, but deep Inside, I trust no man. When they get weak, they fuck up.I get weak and get extra powerful after.
-34 year old, FL

I do not think that all men cheat. And many do lie but there are still good guys out there that mean what they say!!
-37 year old

I think all men cheat weather if is a kiss, oral, etc. sooner or later they always give in
-35 year old

I do not think all men cheat. I'm the one that believes you don't until I find out otherwise . I can't live off of what the masses think, that that would be like us saying we don't and someone saying you and I are cheaters and don't know nothing, just going off of what the hell they heard.
-EC, Georgia

Just as there are faithful men, there are females that still believe and know there are good men left, some are those I interviewed earlier.

THE MARRIED MAN:

Speaking to one married, he said: Cheating as I see it, beyond nature, falls between 3 conscious factors:

1). Happiness 2). Options and 3).Willpower

What is happiness?

Happiness is the one thing in life we all want to achieve and nothing is comparable to the feeling it brings. It is joy; a pleasurable experience, it is good fortune, felicity.

options?
The power or right to choose. Freedom of choice, something than can be chosen

Willpower?
An energetic determination. If you love anyone Willpower will be your best friend. A determination like no other to love and be faithful to the person you want to be with.

THE CONCLUSION:
When going into a relationship, there are a lot of factors that are involved. Mostly you have to be mentally ready and be a person of strong will. Speaking to a few men, not all men cheat. There are actually men that have values. Most  men, however are weak.So if a female is weak and insecure and her man is weak, they will have cheating issues for sure. We know a weak, distracted individual can't build a home, it take those who are strong, with willpower, confidence and patient to make sure every brick is laid down properly and to make sure that home isn't quick to crumble through any storm. Every, man who believes in God, prays to be able to complete the job and get home safely to his family. These are the key elements when building a solid relationship. Just because a worker put hard labor into a home that doesn't have solid foundation he can't keep trying to build and say: I put hard work into it, I can't give up. He will constantly fail and  will be simply wasting his time as many today seem to do.