YOU WANT CLEAN CARPET OR DIRTY CARPET

People say they want love. People say they want loyalty. People say they want someone who will care about them. People say they want honesty. People say a good person is hard to find. However, when someone comes in people lives that are offering those things they don't appreciate it.
It reminds me carpet: You have nasty old carpet and a nice and clean carpet, a person will wipe their feet before stepping on the dirty carpet and say I gotta keep my carpet clean, but take their dirty shoe and just walk all over the clean carpet and then say I wish I had clean carpet. 

After reaching a certain age you would think people would have enough sense to wipe their feet before they step on clean carpet so they don't have to complain and wish they had a clean carpet. However, that's not the case. People will ask and receive all the things they want in a person just to treat them like dirt then wish they had a person with those qualities. Like, you did and you trashed that person.

Yeah, I want love, I want loyalty, I want someone who cares and who is honesty. A good person is hard to find. Especially today, people are so self centered, so dishonest, so fake and so distrusting it hard to figure out anyone. People may say: "it's you,"it could be or could not be. Everyone in this world is damaged goods. Yes, you are. However, it is up to you to let that define you as a person or not. You can't let every piece of rejection, heartache, dishonesty or hurt effect every relationship you have with someone. No two people are the same. Sometimes you have to give someone A chance. Yes, they may get you dirty, but realize it and won't do it again. Communication is very important between people but yet we as people forget that. If people would communicate the truth, more people would respect them. In today's world people are so caught up with being so damn selfish and hurt they forget how refreshing it is to be truthful and loving to someone else.

Just some food for thought, next time a person shows you some love, loyalty and honesty RESPECT IT and at least give them honesty in return!!!

Wipe your feet before you step on the clean carpet before complaining you wish you had a clean carpet!!! It's hard to remove stains.

My Broken Heart is Ready for Healing.

This is hard for me and has been for a long time.

I was involved with Don P* for 5 years but more exclusive for 2 1/2 years. Don and I worked together and I remember the first time I saw him  my heart melted and I still don't know what it was but I do know he smelt so good, wearing Armani.
He introduced himself to me and told me his birthday was December 9th and not to forget his gift, meanwhile we were in September. I realized he was somewhat arrogant but I loved it. A confident man is a woman's dream.

As time went on we became friendly and what I loved about it was that we had this chemistry and nobody knew that we spoke and texted. I wasn't looking for nothing with him, just to be friends.
My cousin was getting married the next month and I took a gamble and invited him to be my date and he accepted. We went and everyone thought he was my boyfriend giving us complements until I had to break the news that we were just friends and worked together. During the reception someone called and told him his brother was in some beef, so I had to go drop him off the city. When he was leaving we kissed which caught me off guard. However, I just went with it.

Months passed and we would text each other during work and go meet each other outside for daily make out sessions, this lasted for 2 months until he told me we couldn't talk or be around each other anymore. See, Don P supposedly had a girlfriend who's friend was our co-worker and she was watching us. Later, it came out the co-worker was the girlfriend but she had a boyfriend.
In 2007, Don got fired from the job. I would hit him up on Myspace on his birthday and on New Years, however, I never got a return message.

Then one day in 2008 he hit me up on Myspace and exchanged numbers. In June 2008 we saw each other again, he attempted to sex me but yeah I wasn't for it. For 2 weeks I didn't speak to him then one day he called me and I answered and we lasted for from July 2008 - April 2011.  We were together 5x out of a week,  as I am writing this I am crying my remaining feelings out. At first having titles or stating our relationship was irrelevant. I just loved being around him and able to just be Raleena. I thought we were just a perfect fit, we never argued, we did have disagreements and I cried sometimes but I never raised my voice to him, never cursed him out. We went on trips, walked on the beach at night and just spoke about life, it was a beautiful time in my life as far as being with another individual. Something I longed for with someone and I got it. He accepted me when I was sick, when I was sad, happy and crazy.

For those that know me, yeah I want the married life and I thought I found my soul mate.
One day he tells me he was moving from the Bronx to Queens, I was upset because I knew we wouldn't be together anymore everyday. We started seeing each other every other weekend, but we still called and texted everyday.

Then it happened.

One Saturday I went over his place, I woke up the the next morning and I felt a bad feeling, like our chemistry was off. I was already having feelings that he might have been seeing someone so with that thought in my head and what I was feeling at that moment, I just got up kissed him goodbye and never looked back, despite him calling I just let it go and I know he felt it.
I saw him 6 months after that, he tried speaking to me and I ignored him and I sent him a text afterwards telling him, "he was a chapter in my life that is now over and it was now time for a new chapter and I will always love him. '

2014, he had a baby and got married, and  being a female I had a fake page and requested the girl, comparing myself to her constantly. My mind has been going crazy because I loved him and I feel I was suppose to have him baby and be his wife. I regret everyday I walked away asking myself why? Why didn't I communicate with him? Why didn't I ask questions? Why didn't I tell him how I really felt.

Seeing that this relationship damaged me, I try to push fast and forward with others leading to disaster only because I'm scared. I don't want to loose anyone again because I was comfortable with what we were doing put years in just to have one of us just to walk away, never having closure.

Lately, I have been wanting someone in my life, just to have a conversation with, fun with, no judgement and acceptance. However, my feeling for how I felt with Don effect that. I had to realize that next individual is not him and I to unfriend the wife on the FB page since I am torturing myself being nosy, making me miserable. Feelings in the heart can be dangerous and can overwhelm a person but if your weak or unhappy. Any person who can get over a broken heart in a descent amount of time is my hero and I am ready to join the hero team.
He will always be my first love, but he is a love that has come and is time to let go.

*Names has been changed