YOU WANT CLEAN CARPET OR DIRTY CARPET

People say they want love. People say they want loyalty. People say they want someone who will care about them. People say they want honesty. People say a good person is hard to find. However, when someone comes in people lives that are offering those things they don't appreciate it.
It reminds me carpet: You have nasty old carpet and a nice and clean carpet, a person will wipe their feet before stepping on the dirty carpet and say I gotta keep my carpet clean, but take their dirty shoe and just walk all over the clean carpet and then say I wish I had clean carpet. 

After reaching a certain age you would think people would have enough sense to wipe their feet before they step on clean carpet so they don't have to complain and wish they had a clean carpet. However, that's not the case. People will ask and receive all the things they want in a person just to treat them like dirt then wish they had a person with those qualities. Like, you did and you trashed that person.

Yeah, I want love, I want loyalty, I want someone who cares and who is honesty. A good person is hard to find. Especially today, people are so self centered, so dishonest, so fake and so distrusting it hard to figure out anyone. People may say: "it's you,"it could be or could not be. Everyone in this world is damaged goods. Yes, you are. However, it is up to you to let that define you as a person or not. You can't let every piece of rejection, heartache, dishonesty or hurt effect every relationship you have with someone. No two people are the same. Sometimes you have to give someone A chance. Yes, they may get you dirty, but realize it and won't do it again. Communication is very important between people but yet we as people forget that. If people would communicate the truth, more people would respect them. In today's world people are so caught up with being so damn selfish and hurt they forget how refreshing it is to be truthful and loving to someone else.

Just some food for thought, next time a person shows you some love, loyalty and honesty RESPECT IT and at least give them honesty in return!!!

Wipe your feet before you step on the clean carpet before complaining you wish you had a clean carpet!!! It's hard to remove stains.

CHEATING, CHEATERS AND THE NON CHEATERS

What comes to mind when someone tells you they want to be in a relationship with you?

You are most likely on cloud 9, thinking maybe you found your prince or princess you can build a home with.Someone that is going to be committed to you.
Adorn you with love emotionally, physically and mentally.
Be faithful to you.
Trust you.
Eventually,you want to have a family and have that person marry you til death do you part. (Marriage is no longer a priority in society so I guess playing house is an equivalent).

Regardless of what it is, at the end of the day the majority of us seek happiness and that happiness consist of being with someone you love and you guys being in love with each other.

However, cheating has a major part in relationships today. You don't know who to trust.

Today it is hard for a woman and men to gain happiness, when many of them have issues with trust due to past deceptions. I took some time out to look into what men, women, the bible and what so called experts say. Take a few minutes and see what is on their minds regarding cheating.


WHAT THE MEN HAVE TO SAY:

I have cheated. There is a high rate of cheating in black and Hispanic communities.   Black and Hispanic women walk around with numerous baby daddy's then go on welfare, then the children repeat the cycle. You go to their neighborhoods and you see woman fighting another female because her 3rd baby daddy had his 5th kid with another chick whom he his the 6th baby daddy to. If you go on

social media you see these females belittle each other. However, at the end of they day these women are trash, they look stupid so of course these are the dummies that get cheated on. Who takes chicks like that serious, all they are worth is seeing a good fight between for good entertainment. While they are fighting the man is taking the side of one of them but the other will screw him later on that day or the next, or he has another chick he is screwing all together while the other two fools are fighting in the street. Then they say, all men cheat. Well, no they don't. We cheat on the weak, insecure, needy females. The ones who act as if they are so hard, but emotionally they are weak. I have cheated but not on all my females. Why? Some I liked but they were just not wife able material, but they brought me things, fed me, housed me, gave good sexual pleasure and"loved me," but those chicks ain't even love themselves. They seemed as if they loved me more than their kids, there fatherless kids mind you. There are plenty in the white community as well but it's like a fashion statement in urban communities.  This is the world we leave in... it is open season on black and Hispanic vagina everyday. Let me clarify though not all black and Hispanic women because I have had blissful relationships with many I didn't cheat on but those were the classy females that had either one child or none, who had their own money, who were secure with themselves, beautiful confident female, who did not indulge in drama.
 -Anonymous 34

  

 

I've never cheated. I feel like if you decide to get into a relationship with someone you're making a commitment to be exclusive with them. All men don't cheat. My father until the day he died NEVER once cheated on my mother. He was with her until death did them part, even after she passed away he didn't want anyone else. She was his heart. I guess that is where I get it from. Besides, who wants to lie? That's added stress. You have to keep track of what you did with whom and what you said to each one, I’m not for that. I dedicate myself to the one I’m with. Call me a punk, but I believe in loyalty on both ends. Last reason I don't cheat and the most important is because I don't want it done to me.

 -35 year old, male. 

  Yes, I have cheated before, to be honest I think all people cheat, because you can't stay attracted to just one person your whole life, it's unnatural, to be with one person forever, and the person you

once loved isn't the same as they once were. Also the thrill of sexing something new out drives the urge to go home to the old. To be honest I am not sure if I cheated on all my women, but most of them yes. The answer to whether or not it is right or wrong lies in the eyes of the person doing it. Wrong morally: Yes. But as a person who sees the world for what it is, who can morally judge anyone? I feel

the comment all men cheat is true, as do all women on some level we all cheat, whether it's flirting, or entertaining someones advance towards you. Whether you act on it or not. The thought itself can be considered cheating.

 -40 year old, male 

  Yes I've cheated before and the reason was because she didn't love me and she cheated 1st, so instead of just breaking up, I wanted revenge. It is never right to cheat. I have not cheated on every girl I've been with. The statement that every man cheats is very wrong, for one it generalizes a whole category of men and two there is no evidence to back that up. I've seen and know very faithful men.

 -38 year old Male

It was important to ask men the key statement: "Do all men cheat, and if they say they don't they are lying?" I just wanted their point of view, since most men and women believe it to be true. However, one of the gentlemen I interviewed raised the question "Does every black woman wear weaves?"

We all know a vast majority do but definitely not all. Same with cheating, a majority of the men may cheat or have cheated, doesn't mean all men do.

I cheated yes, at a point where I felt unappreciated. No, I don't cheat on every woman. I feel it’s wrong, and it bothered me after I did it in past. In the past, I didn't care about whether she loved me; I was ready for it to end. I believe in loyalty. 

-Male in his early 40's  

 I have cheated in the past and I add that up to be inexperienced in relationships. Knowing what I want now, cheating would be less likely. I am older and I want kids and a marriage.
-39 year old male  

What a serial cheater had to say:

Yes, I have  cheated. I love girls too much to be bored with one. I cheated in a relationship because at the time I wanted a girl I could constantly have sex with. Yes, I've cheated on every girl I've been with. I do think its wrong but sometimes a sexual craving can be a painful.
Me: If you wanted a girl to constantly have sex with why waste your time to be in a relationship at all? 
The girls always push for it. 
-33 year old, male

Another serial cheater added some more depth and brought culture into it: 

Men cheat because of:
1) Desire they have for female. 
2) It's not frowned upon by his culture/family and
3) Ego.
I have cheated. I cheated for all three reasons at one point or another in my life but the main reason I have to say had to be for desire. The fact that a woman that I really felt attracted to give me attention and I had a possibility to have sexual intercourse with her was an amazing thought. It's the same type of attraction towards a celebrity. You have to understand that a cheater always feels like he's never going to get caught. He's never truly trying to hurt his significant other. I have to say I have cheated on every female I have been with. Do I think is right NO. At the moment of a man committing an act of cheating he is only thinking about him and how this is making him happy but at you get older some not all realize that it's a wrong way of thinking. I have actually learned that but it took time. Man and woman learn different and for a man is about burning levels.

Me: So a man is willing to lose the person they love and there home for desire?

Believe it or not yes, I mean they don't think they going to get caught I had a friend who use to tell me I'm only as faithful as my options. I would never forget that statement. The moment a man thinks about his wife the odds of him doing it is small. The Spanish community is big on cheating...it kind of looks okay until it's done to you if you know what I mean. 

-A Dominican male in his early 30’s 

However, this is what another Dominican male in his mid 30's had to say:

Yes, I have cheated due to:

1). Uncertainty, not fully sure if the person I was with is the right one for me. 

2).Temptation and not being strong enough to just reject other females.

3). You don't think about the consequences. 

When cheating you think about just never getting caught.

No, I do not think cheating is right and I don't agree with that statement, "all men cheat."

There are men who have never cheated but most women are attracted to guys who are outspoken and the life of the party which are usually the ones that cheat. Not all men lie I think it depends on their upbringing and if they had positive male role models.I don't agree with it being a cultural thing. I could tell you that men in general are all different no matter what the race is.I know all types of men in different races and I can break it down to different categories. I was the type of man that didn't know how to be a man , being that I didn't have a make role model I had to find out what is right or wrong. Usually these lessons don't come without experiences. I'm order for me to fully understand the consequences of cheating was to be on the other side of it. That's the only way I fully understood how my actions hurt others. Now I can tell you that most men who cheat don't think about the effect that it causes. Now there are many reasons why anyone cheats.. For me these are the reasons:

1 missing something in themselves, so they seek that in others who would provide it. 

2. Sexually not satisfied and does not know how to address their partner 

3 does not take their partner serious and looks for another partner while still in a relationship. 

There are great faithful men out there... Out of ten men I know I could honestly say 3 are cheaters. The common factor of these cheaters are low self esteem, superficial search ( looking for what is attractive from everyone) they need validation from females need to feel loved and needed so they go wherever that is given. There are men who believe that it is natural to cheat but it's one-sided they don't want to be cheated on tho, which then makes it a control and selfish thing. There are men who don't feel attracted to their partner but for any reason stay in that situation because " it's the right thing to do " and stay away to find what they are attracted to. But I can say that men and women cheat for similar reasons. Now men lust just as much as females the only difference is that if the opportunity may happen when would think about their relationship and most men if they don't know how it feels to be cheated on would not think about their relationship. They would think about not getting caught. 
-36 Year old Dominican male

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY: 

We are in a world where morals are almost extinct, but there are some that actually take God and his word serious and these are the scriptures that they keep in mind. Many, today like to sugar coat, make excuses, but there are really two ways: The ways of the world or ways of the word, says a young christian female. 

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
"For this is the will of GOD that you should be holy and abstain from sexual immorality. Each one of you should know how to control his own body in holiness and honor not with greedy, uncontrollable sexual passion like the nations have that do not know God." - New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures 

"For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication:That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour;Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God." -KJV

1 Corinthians 7:9 

"But if they do not have self-control, let them marry, for it is better to marry than to be inflamed with passion."

-New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures

So the bible says we should know how to control our own body, that something naturally we can do but that is only if YOU WANT and CHOOSE TO. 

WHAT THE EXPERTS SAY: 

Psychiatrist Gail Saltz, MD quoted from Cosmopolitan Magazine says:

"Some men cheat to avoid real intimacy, so they can distance themselves from their wife or girlfriend by cheating on her, this way they can't get hurt. Some are unfaithful because they want control and power in the relationship and cheating puts the ball in their court. 

 Sex Expert Emily Morse said: "When there is a lack of intimacy in relationships, men feel the need to cheat rather than talk to their partner. Some men crave newness again and go elsewhere to find." 
she added: " Some men are just plain weak. They give into a sexual affair because the opportunity presented itself and they weren't strong enough to say NO! 

And according to Dr Saltz: No all cheaters are repeat offenders, but can be.

For example: I know a couple that has been married 45 years they have 6 children together but he has 4 children with 4 different women outside of the marriage with the youngest being 4. Now, the wife says "Yes, I know he cheats and has had other kids, but I love him and I put to much into this relationship to let him go." With that being said, she is unknowingly letting him repeat and obviously he knows she isn't leaving, she has put to much into the relationship . Her husband gets can have his cake and eat it too. 
She is not alone, there are plenty of women who think like this. However, I know females who had done the same thing got pregnant by another man and the man stayed with her, but I don't know any man who would allow it to be done 4 times and stay. 

THE ANSWER TO CHEATING FROM A COMEDIANS POINT OF VIEW:

Comedian, Patrice O'neal broke down "his take" on cheating:

  
Can't say I agreed fully with Patrice, but many women, yes YOU have been that fish and the most truthful thing I can agree with, is when he said:  "Woman want to make a man give them love with the same passion that she gives pussy."

Speaking from my experience I have been that women and I'm not alone.

WHAT THE WOMEN SAY:

With so many women being hurt by a man cheating on them they feel as if all men cheat. It's more of a trust issue , that's why women feel like all men cheat.

-34 year old GA

I can't say that they ALL do but far too many of them do.

-34 year old

Not all men... there are some men who see no reason once they find the woman who completes them. -Shanna Banks 35, NJ

Most yes, but not all. Have they cheated in their lifetime yes but some give it up. Guess once they meet someone that changes their whole perspective. If they say they don't I'll be a little iffy. I can only know and make sure my man isn't.

- Sandra, 29

I don't think all men cheat and if they say they don't,it just depends on how well I can judge their character by determining if their lying or not.

- Candace, NC

All men cheat and all lie. Point Blank Period. They ain't sh*t.

-27 female

I think the new generation cheat 9/10 times. With the older generation some cheat and some don't and won't. Today, Girls are nasty and don't give a fuck, so really is it cheating when the girl allows him to do what he is doing?

-Blue, 40

I believe at one point they all will. We are very much stronger than they are. I respect the men in the truth because they APPEAR to be strong, but deep Inside, I trust no man. When they get weak, they fuck up.I get weak and get extra powerful after.
-34 year old, FL

I do not think that all men cheat. And many do lie but there are still good guys out there that mean what they say!!
-37 year old

I think all men cheat weather if is a kiss, oral, etc. sooner or later they always give in
-35 year old

I do not think all men cheat. I'm the one that believes you don't until I find out otherwise . I can't live off of what the masses think, that that would be like us saying we don't and someone saying you and I are cheaters and don't know nothing, just going off of what the hell they heard.
-EC, Georgia

Just as there are faithful men, there are females that still believe and know there are good men left, some are those I interviewed earlier.

THE MARRIED MAN:

Speaking to one married, he said: Cheating as I see it, beyond nature, falls between 3 conscious factors:

1). Happiness 2). Options and 3).Willpower

What is happiness?

Happiness is the one thing in life we all want to achieve and nothing is comparable to the feeling it brings. It is joy; a pleasurable experience, it is good fortune, felicity.

options?
The power or right to choose. Freedom of choice, something than can be chosen

Willpower?
An energetic determination. If you love anyone Willpower will be your best friend. A determination like no other to love and be faithful to the person you want to be with.

THE CONCLUSION:
When going into a relationship, there are a lot of factors that are involved. Mostly you have to be mentally ready and be a person of strong will. Speaking to a few men, not all men cheat. There are actually men that have values. Most  men, however are weak.So if a female is weak and insecure and her man is weak, they will have cheating issues for sure. We know a weak, distracted individual can't build a home, it take those who are strong, with willpower, confidence and patient to make sure every brick is laid down properly and to make sure that home isn't quick to crumble through any storm. Every, man who believes in God, prays to be able to complete the job and get home safely to his family. These are the key elements when building a solid relationship. Just because a worker put hard labor into a home that doesn't have solid foundation he can't keep trying to build and say: I put hard work into it, I can't give up. He will constantly fail and  will be simply wasting his time as many today seem to do. 

We As Black Females Have to Do Better!!!

So I'm sitting here at work on a Sunday. Thinking about life and all that matters to  me.

I have found being a female of color in today's society is a hard. 
The reason is because of how some black females represent themselves.

I just had a discussion with a Spaniard and she and I was very much so on the same page.
A Black, mixed, Latina or Caribbean female can say "I'm different, I don't act like those girls ("hood" females) or I would never do that."

But guess what? Nobody cares, your skin is dark and that's all they see. 

In today's society the majority of females of color are having babies without being married, have 2-5 if not more "baby daddy's," on welfare, on section 8, work low end jobs, are quick to be disrespectful in public, sleep with another woman's man or husband and then want to fight her, but are the first ones to have Jordan's on their feet as well as their 4 kids feet, along with a iPad, the newest iPhone and that exotic Malaysian hair that cost around $300-$400 for 4 bundles (usually the amount you need to cover a full head.)

Do you see what I see? The priorities of colored woman are ass backwards!!!

A black female child was thrown around like a rag doll because she was disrespectful to a teacher, a school administrator and the police officer and society feels her being an orphan is an excuse to disrespect authority!!! Let me ask a question, and think on it very well before you answer. If your child was told to put a phone away, what would you expect your child to do? Bad mouth authority or kindly respect the wishes of the authority figure? 
If my mother had passed as well as my grandmother and YOU were an authority figure to me and I ignored you and any higher authority you called, would you think my behavior is OK? What would have you done? 
Growing up I knew better than to disrespect the teacher, because my mom would have beat my ass if she knew I was acting a fool in school. But I guess all of you on the student's side was allowed to act anyway you want and your parents would have not cared you failed to listen 3x. The last I check it was said: Three strikes and your out, and her ass got laid out!!! 

Meanwhile, Raven-Symone has a petition out against her because she said she wouldn't hire someone with a ghetto name. Well damn, me either. Starkeisha better have a appropriate middle name to put on that resume. Like really, nobody can have an opinion without someone get offended. A name says a lot and Starkeisha says uhhhhh I don't really want to hire you, unless your work skills out do the naming skills your mother/father/ or parents had. 

What people fail to realize a name like that says: 
1. Low Income Home 2. Single Parent Home 3. Raised in Poverty and probably has an attitude and 4. Most likely raised on Welfare. 
I know I don't want someone with a ghetto name acting ghetto while presenting my brand!!!

Which do you portray yourself as? Ghetto or Class.

A picture says a thousand words, what words do you want said about you??? 

We have to do better!!!

We as females especially Black females need to be better teachers. The youth are getting worse. Babies born constantly out of wedlock, lack of respect for a female, lack of respect for the men, people taking advantage of the system and passing the schemes to their children, morals being neglected, greed over loyalty, lack of love for God, females thinking its OK to give their precious piece of a vagina to guys without valuing themselves. 

We need to rise up! Teach the importance of respect, education, self-love, morals, love, being positive, loyalty and thinking out of the box. 

I know woman who have kids and instead of teaching a better way for their children, they are more focused on being with a man and a man that doesn't even treat them like a queen. A Queen is something a woman should value herself as,because that's what she is. A female will focus on running the streets rather than whats going on in her own home. I know woman that will be with a man for years and have 2, 3 + kids with them and think it is OK just to be the girlfriend. HELLO, if he loves you that much to be with you and have you mess up your body to bear his kids you should be good enough to his Queen, rocking that royal crown of marriage. I rather be a wife rather than a baby mom. However, if you think being a baby mom is a prize you need to re-evaluate how you feel about yourself, last I checked nobody wants a half of anything they want 100% of everything. We have to teach our children!!! Nobody wants 50 when they can get 100!!! 

A female will sit on Facebook going HAM on another female, meanwhile her baby daddy is beating her ass, she is being a side piece or can barely pay her bills. All the while your kids are observing everything you do. A kid will know all the word to COCO by O.T. Genasis but can't tie their damn shoe laces...like Hello where are the parenting skills???

Mainly these issues are more prominent in minority communities, making us a easy target for statistics, being prone to violence and insecurities within yourselves passing down to our children. 
I have never heard no other race of mothers call their daughter B*tch in public or "Shut the (bleep) up," when in the supermarket. If i'm of color and I look down on a female who does it imagine how a white woman who is married, has a beautiful home can afford more than is looking down upon your ass. Then you probably saying "(Bleep) that white (bleep)...she needs to mind her (bleeping) business," but you know you care deep down or otherwise you wouldn't have even mentioned what you think she is feeling or even cared if she put her nose up!!!

I know nothing i'm saying will probably touch your heart, your probably reading this thinking I throwing subliminal shots or how dare I say that or what nerve I have. If you are thinking that you are one insecure female and I hope at least you get the point of building love for yourself up and teach your children.  

SIDE NOTE: All men don't cheat, so stop telling yourself that to pacify the fact your man is cheating on you. I know it sounds good when you can involve others into your misery but uhhh NO, you need to value yourself more and you will then find a man that will value you and love you the way you want. Put out, what you want to get back.

PEACE

My Broken Heart is Ready for Healing.

This is hard for me and has been for a long time.

I was involved with Don P* for 5 years but more exclusive for 2 1/2 years. Don and I worked together and I remember the first time I saw him  my heart melted and I still don't know what it was but I do know he smelt so good, wearing Armani.
He introduced himself to me and told me his birthday was December 9th and not to forget his gift, meanwhile we were in September. I realized he was somewhat arrogant but I loved it. A confident man is a woman's dream.

As time went on we became friendly and what I loved about it was that we had this chemistry and nobody knew that we spoke and texted. I wasn't looking for nothing with him, just to be friends.
My cousin was getting married the next month and I took a gamble and invited him to be my date and he accepted. We went and everyone thought he was my boyfriend giving us complements until I had to break the news that we were just friends and worked together. During the reception someone called and told him his brother was in some beef, so I had to go drop him off the city. When he was leaving we kissed which caught me off guard. However, I just went with it.

Months passed and we would text each other during work and go meet each other outside for daily make out sessions, this lasted for 2 months until he told me we couldn't talk or be around each other anymore. See, Don P supposedly had a girlfriend who's friend was our co-worker and she was watching us. Later, it came out the co-worker was the girlfriend but she had a boyfriend.
In 2007, Don got fired from the job. I would hit him up on Myspace on his birthday and on New Years, however, I never got a return message.

Then one day in 2008 he hit me up on Myspace and exchanged numbers. In June 2008 we saw each other again, he attempted to sex me but yeah I wasn't for it. For 2 weeks I didn't speak to him then one day he called me and I answered and we lasted for from July 2008 - April 2011.  We were together 5x out of a week,  as I am writing this I am crying my remaining feelings out. At first having titles or stating our relationship was irrelevant. I just loved being around him and able to just be Raleena. I thought we were just a perfect fit, we never argued, we did have disagreements and I cried sometimes but I never raised my voice to him, never cursed him out. We went on trips, walked on the beach at night and just spoke about life, it was a beautiful time in my life as far as being with another individual. Something I longed for with someone and I got it. He accepted me when I was sick, when I was sad, happy and crazy.

For those that know me, yeah I want the married life and I thought I found my soul mate.
One day he tells me he was moving from the Bronx to Queens, I was upset because I knew we wouldn't be together anymore everyday. We started seeing each other every other weekend, but we still called and texted everyday.

Then it happened.

One Saturday I went over his place, I woke up the the next morning and I felt a bad feeling, like our chemistry was off. I was already having feelings that he might have been seeing someone so with that thought in my head and what I was feeling at that moment, I just got up kissed him goodbye and never looked back, despite him calling I just let it go and I know he felt it.
I saw him 6 months after that, he tried speaking to me and I ignored him and I sent him a text afterwards telling him, "he was a chapter in my life that is now over and it was now time for a new chapter and I will always love him. '

2014, he had a baby and got married, and  being a female I had a fake page and requested the girl, comparing myself to her constantly. My mind has been going crazy because I loved him and I feel I was suppose to have him baby and be his wife. I regret everyday I walked away asking myself why? Why didn't I communicate with him? Why didn't I ask questions? Why didn't I tell him how I really felt.

Seeing that this relationship damaged me, I try to push fast and forward with others leading to disaster only because I'm scared. I don't want to loose anyone again because I was comfortable with what we were doing put years in just to have one of us just to walk away, never having closure.

Lately, I have been wanting someone in my life, just to have a conversation with, fun with, no judgement and acceptance. However, my feeling for how I felt with Don effect that. I had to realize that next individual is not him and I to unfriend the wife on the FB page since I am torturing myself being nosy, making me miserable. Feelings in the heart can be dangerous and can overwhelm a person but if your weak or unhappy. Any person who can get over a broken heart in a descent amount of time is my hero and I am ready to join the hero team.
He will always be my first love, but he is a love that has come and is time to let go.

*Names has been changed